Ah, the balmy days of summer, when there is nothing more glorious to do of a Friday evening than to head to the ballgame, grab a beer, and put the world to rights. It’s a little known fact though that the stats that govern the baseball have long been used to govern the world of CSAs. Fortunately, the Big Bosses at the Bay Ridge CSA have given me special dispensation to share with you the secret shadowy statistics that form the backbone of our esteemed organization. Read them well and learn, my friends.
- GS – Grand Slam (or in CSA speak, “average number of Garlic Scapes served up to members over the first six weeks of the CSA season. Long-time members will remember the glorious summer of 1955, when GS reached an all-time high of 41.)
- LOB – Left On Base (in CSA-speak, Left Over Beets. The number of beets found rotting in the bottom of your fridge once you reach the end of the season. Just fyi, any LOB over eight can cause permanent discoloration of your vegetable drawer).
- OBP – On Base Percentage (in CSA-speak, Overwhelmed by Berries & Peaches. In high OBP weeks, CSA members can suffer from a particularly high OBP that can lead to a DP (distraught partner) when you return home having eaten all the BP on the way back).
- FC – Fielder’s Choice (in CSA-speak, Fetcher’s Choice. The person who carries back the heavy bags gets first option on any produce within that week’s harvest. Tomatoes and raspberries have a particularly high FC quotient.)
- RBI – Runs Batted In (in CSA-speak, Recipe Bafflement Inquiry. High RBI’s usually occur at the pickup site with vegetables not often seen commercially such as Japanese Turnips, but can occasionally be heard with more common produce such as kale (“that’s an unexpected RBI for leeks there, Dan.”)
- TB – Total Bases (in CSA-speak, Totally Bummed. The feeling you get when you have had a heavy night out on a Friday, and then don’t wake up until 15 minutes after the CSA pickup ended).
- SB – Stolen Bases (in CSA-speak, Stolen Broccoli. Generally, members who turn up at about 10.15am can suffer from high SB, when unscrupulous members have taken more than their fair share earlier that morning. Note that those people who take more than their dues can suffer from occasional OPS (Optimal Piqued Staring) from volunteers who notice what’s going on).
- ERA – Earned Run Average (in CSA-speak, Eggplant Recipe Alternative. There does seem a point in the season after you’ve grilled eighty three eggplants that you can’t even buy an ERA. Then you remember babaghanoush, and all is well with the world.)
- SO – Strikeout (in CSA-speak, Squash Optimization. There’s always a choice of squashes, and any member with a good SO average is able to size up the crate in a matter of seconds, and spot the bright yellow squash that will be the sweetest, and narrowly avoid the green zucchini that looks like it’s done ten rounds with Mike Tyson.)
- WHIP – Walks & Hits Per Innings Pitched (in CSA-speak, Well Hidden In Potatoes. It’s a little known fact that Farmer BR hides one glorious bonus vegetable in among one of the crates. Like the secret menu at Tanoreen (what, you didn’t know about that either??), the lucky member who forages through the crates to find the bonus unheralded vegetable must always hold it above his or her head, and shout ‘I am the WHIP, and I come to claim my vegetable fortune!’ in a falsetto at the top of their voice in order to claim it.
Here’s what you can expect to receive in this week’s CSA share: